When I was about 4, mummy would print out cartoon colouring pages for me and my brother to colour at our babysitter's place. There was this once where mummy printed out images of T-rex and brachiasauraus... The one that eat leaves and has a long neck. I enjoyed colouring very much, I coloured my T-rex masterpiece and wanted to show mummy when I get home. Unfortunately, my brother got to it first. He took my masterpiece and crumpled it then threw it into the bin. I started to hate him. Soon after, my 4th birthday came. Mummy bought me a piano because I was pestering my mother to sign me up for piano classes. I was really happy with the piano. I put on my favourite dress at that time and took a picture with me playing the piano. Then, my brother would jump up to the piano seat and start banging the keys, mummy thought it was funny. But, I thought he was stupid and I didn't like it because he was using my birthday present.
Few years down the road, we started primary school. I was thrown into an unknown world, a world where people would all speak different languages, a language that I did not understand at that time-- Chinese Mandarin. Neither of my parents could speak proper mandarin, let alone read or write mandarin. I struggled not understanding this foreign language, and also making friends as there was a language barrier. Thankfully, one of the girls were really nice to me and became my best friend in primary school. She had hair so long and her mother would always tie it up for her in so many pretty ways just like a princess. I liked her alot, I always went over to her place after school to play. She stayed really near my place. She was really good in gymnastics too! Occasionally I would play with her props too! She would show me how to use the hoops, clubs and ribbons! We really had plenty of fun! Then, it was primary 5. We chose to go our separate ways. She chose gymnastics, I chose studies. Soon, we had lesser and lesser time to catch up and then we didn't see each other anymore. There would be an occasional "hello" once in awhile, when we bumped into each other around school. I had two amazing teachers in primary school, one of them was my form teacher for primary 1,2, and 3 and she picked me up to school and sent me back everyday, as well as giving me tuition. She was always there to look out for me, guiding me even though I just refused to do homework as I deemed it as redundant and boring. Another amazing teacher I had in primary school is my form teacher for primary 5 and 6, Mr Neo. He believed that learning should be made fun and in a relax way not under pressure. During classes, he would let a few students go down to the canteen to buy drinks and food for the rest of the class. Our class would always win the cleanliness award as he never fails to make sure our class is squeaky clean. He does it by fining us 50 cents whenever he sees rubbish around our desk or area. He would give us hints when we answer wrongly during an exam. He also makes sure we understand every word in the text book and also how the word is pronounced by making us look up the dictionary, if we fail to answer his questions, we will be punished by standing up for the rest of his period.
All in all, primary school was the best part of my life. I had tons of fun being in a group of dancers and winning multiple awards competing nationally and also performing for people. I felt happy because I made people happy. The costumes were all very beautiful and I liked how other older dancers would say I look pretty in them. I didn't manage to thank Mr Neo for being such a great teacher, and I'm afraid I will never get the chance to do so as he does not remember us anymore. He was involved in an operation consisting of him removing a tumour in his brain. Ever since then, he has memory lost and has been really blur. I haven't heard of him since after my UPSR examination. Occasionally I would hear some of my old classmates talk about him, but nothing in detail.
Primary 6 was also a very emotional year for me as my babysitter who has been taking care of me since I was a few months old passed away because of a tumour as well. I do miss her even until today. She is the best babysitter in the whole wide world. How many babysitters do you know who would not charge extra money for cooking for your mummy, and the things she cook is all very good. From salmon to cod fish, she really loves us very much and wants the very best for us. Every year during our birthdays, she would take us out, buy presents for us. During my birthday, she would buy 1kg of clams and cook them for me. I would really enjoy eating them. Even though it isn't much, it still came from her heart. I do miss her really much.
People have to move on. Soon it was secondary. The first day of secondary was very intimidating. It was like being in a whole new environment all over again. No friends, no one to guide you. I was enrolled into a government school, where in this case, is a Malay school. Seeing people wrap up their heads in headscarfs seemed weird and alien to me. I didn't understand why they had to do that. And they were all talking in Malay, really fast. I couldn't catch up, therefore I just smile and nodded most of the time when approached by them. I hated my mum for doing this to me. Why does she put me in such a school? Doesnt she know its hard for me? Years passed and it was time for me to choose a college. I wanted to do biotechnology/genetics related courses as my SPM (o-levels) results permitted me to do so. But mummy said she couldn't afford it and I would end up not having a job when I'm done with my studies. So I had to choose something else and I chose to write. Again, mummy threw me into a college that I have never heard of, and none of my friends go there. I began to hate my mother. Why is she always doing this to me?? Why does she let my brother choose what he wants but not me? I didn't understand all that. Not until recently.
Now, I am done with my degree and I'm proud to say I am better than my brother. Yes, mother would always give him what he wants, makes sure he never struggles but look at how he turned out. He can't make decisions on his own, he has no time whatsoever for his "should be" priorities and the priorities he sets are not even priorities. A simple choice like studying in UK or Australia, even that he can't make up his mind. And he gives up easily and is very dependent on family. Basic simple things like getting himself a luggage bag for his overseas studies he does not understand. In his mind, its always play play and play because whatever happens, mummy will be there to catch him. I'm proud to say, I'm not like him. At least I know I am independent. I can find my way without a car to a destination, I can cook a decent meal and make sure I do not starve and still maintain good results. Not great, but good enough.
Thank you mummy for making me struggle while I was a kid. All the training I got paid off. I am a better person because of you. Sorry I thought you were being biased towards brother and also for hating you. I'm sorry for saying harsh words when I was younger. Thank you for being such a wonderful mother. I love you.
