happiest days of my life

April 3rd,4th and 5th marks the happiest and sadest days of my life... I'm happy because we're finally together, finally able to hug and kiss each other... sad because... it would probably be the first and last time... I still remember when we watched the movie... i was crying non stop... not because the movie is touching, because i know this will be our first and last movie together... just couldnt control my tears from coming out... i know you were thinking about the same thing at that moment. Honestly speaking... i thought u were going to surprise me by telling me you and susie broke up thats why u could accompany me for so many nights consecutively... Well yea... i did get a surprise... not exactly the sort i have in mind... kinda broke my heart when u said she would be taking over ur phone... we cant communicate anymore... i was just wondering... the phone is yours, the phone is a very personal and private item, what rights does she have to take care of it... but i dont want to argue or protest... i choose to accept the fact and ignore it for the time being... "If you really love someone, you would sacrifice everything to be with the person" quoted by someone i know... i question the quote... humans are just selfish... they wont sacrifice anything without a solid reason or purpose... "True love needs sacrifice"... this quote is not true... I sacrificed alot... more than anyone can imagine... at the end... i'm left with nothing but memories and a broken heart... i still remember last year during christmas, everyone was celebrating it happily, but for me... it was merry christmas and a single new year... then comes valentines... happy single forever day... this is my life... i wonder what i did wrong in my past life until i deserve all these... one case after another... i'm just so so so tired. i cant sleep because when i close my eyes, i think of u and then my tears just wont stop... the moment i on the radio and i hear our song, i cant stop crying... when i turn and see the little monkey on the bed... i just feel like dying... the pain inside me... no one will understand... everyone keeps saying they understand... but how many ppl really do understand? how much does one really understand the pain that i'm enduring? i look in the mirror and i see a girl with a pretty face but an empty heart and an empty life. i know my decision is very selfish... but i really really don have a choice... i rather do it now than do it when you're walking down the isle with susie... yes it hurts alot... but i'm tired of hoping for the best already... i've hoped for too long... i just want to rest... fall into an eternal slumber and never awake... we can still talk, still chat, but not like before... it hurts... but its just a matter of getting used to it.